missing buffy

I'm listening to the soundtrack for the Buffy the Vampire Slayer musical episode. D is animating an Elvis figure for the game he's working on. Laundry is being done. A is sleeping. All seems right with the world. One might think I am manic or something, since I have spent much of my time lately in a state of shock and anger. Now I am just a bit numb, spent my rage a bit and have a little time to hope.

In a couple of weeks, I'll be teaching a knitting class at church--just a few folks getting together to learn a difficult skill. I've been looking up illustrated instructions online, and it's really breathtaking to see how many resources are out there. There's a whole site that has animations of casting on, knit stitches, etc... There's another site that has ninety-some pages of free patterns for sweaters, scarves, baby clothes. I'm still a self-proclaimed novice at this; I have only read and completed one complicated knitting pattern for a felted ball for babies, and the rest of my projects are trial-and-error variations on a rectangle. Once math becomes involved, my eyes glaze over and it takes twenty read-throughs to understand how to get it done.

I used to be an A student in math, but now I don't really practice anymore. The math-land in my brain has gone fallow. Cutting mat board for artwork is a real pisser now: complicated fractions, extra breathing room for the piece so little slivers of paper don't stick out, centering. Eugh. It puts me in a terrible mood. So now I plan ahead, and do my artwork on paper that is a normal size and shape, so I can buy a pre-cut mat...

Blah blah. "I think this line is only filler," Willow sings. What makes the Buffy musical so amazing is not that everyone has terrific voices, or dances well or anything, but that it's such a pivotal episode to the season, every line is important (even Willow's above)--some funny, some really poignant. Buffy is sick of the humdrum and the chaos of her life, and she's avoiding taking the next step. How many times have I been there? I miss watching Buffy because no matter how far-fetched the surface problems were (hell-mouth opening, anyone? demon-makes-everyone-in-town-sing-broadway?), the episodes were really about something everyone could relate to. Feeling invisible, over-concern about what people think, fear of telling the truth, wishing for revenge. I don't watch tv anymore really, because I haven't been captivated by anything since Firefly was (briefly) on.

Before I go, A's word for rice krispy treats: bee-bee teets. So much more exotic, don't you think?