it's been a while

I'm hoping my scanty crew of faithful readers hasn't deserted for good! I have been, shall we say, on Extravert Overload the past two weeks. They have been two good weeks, full of really interesting experiences, but as you know if you've read this blog long enough, I can only take so much before I need to crawl in a hole and twitch for a few days. Today was day 1 of twitching; went well, and even D is working late so I have the quiet to myself. Tomorrow I will not be able to twitch quite so much, but I at least had a reprieve today.

So what's been going on? Hm. Two parties (which includes a very yummy Easter dinner), an overnight visit by some friends, D was sick for a day or two, A was sent home from school early for the first time (he was "pretending to be a monster" with claw hands, several times, and scratched many of his poor unsuspecting classmates), we saw the Anglican Bishop of Rwanda speak at our church, I did my first sortof installation piece for the Good Friday service, started making a beautiful vest with silk/cotton blend yarn, and watched A eat his weight in Jelly Beans yesterday and wonder how he doesn't have diabetes yet. D says I'm a Puritan, feeling guilty for letting A indulge in intense hedonism on holidays--and yes, I do feel somehow that there is something inherently wrong with doing whatever you want for as long as you want sometimes. Even if it's not harmful, ultimately, I still have that guilt for some reason. D grew up with no restraint on his video game habits, his curfew was non-existent, and he had McDonalds with his grandfather nearly every day. I felt guilty for reading straight through a Nancy Drew in 3 hours...Anyway, I'm improving in my mindset--I want A to associate Easter with joy, and what is more joyful than plowing through Easter baskets loaded with sweets? He knows what the meaning of Easter is, and understands a little of it (who understands all of it, besides God himself?), and we don't spend weeks telling him that he will get snowed under with candy on Easter Sunday. All the same, I still worry when he's got that look in his eyes like sugary electrical sparks are zooming around in his skull, and it's only a matter of time before Sugar Chernobyl becomes a reality.

But of course, he was fine. So much for worry. We're back to normal today.

The visit by the Bishop of Rwanda was really excellent. He and his wife are touring churches in America to gain support for the work of healing every aspect of the country through education, prison ministries, economic development, and so forth. I just finished reading his book, which details the history of the genocide--why it happened, how it was carefully planned and financed, excruciatingly horrible stories of slaughter and betrayal by fellow villagers, friends, family and the church, and the world's absolute abandonment of the entire country during and after the crisis. The last quarter of the book describes the miraculous healing of the country through reconciliation and forgiveness, and all through the love of Christ. I have been astounded many times over, first by the depths of cruelty to which normal people can go, and then astounded by the fact that thousands of people have pieced together their lives, repenting and being forgiven, and are rebuilding an entire nation together. He says at the end something that I was thinking through it all: if we can heal from this, the most terrible bloodbath of the twentieth century, then anyone can heal. Nothing is worse than what people did to each other in Rwanda, and if they can get through it, anything is possible for the whole world. Growing up in crack-riddled, gang-infested Baltimore is luxurious by comparison, and could so easily be turned around. God make it so. It isn't an unproven, naive wish that "everything will work out ok," but a gritty determination to face the truth, heal the bitterness, and work to forgive and be forgiven, because Christ forgave us. The Bishop points out to his people that Christ didn't wait till he was off the cross to forgive people. He was still nailed up there, ridiculed, scourged and humiliated and still said, "Father forgive them." He was still in pain, but that pain brought about the healing of the world and the defeat of death. Amazing.

Speaking of the cross and all that, I had a great opportunity to use my long-dormant artistic side this Good Friday at my church. This year and last, they have had a sort of "stations of the cross" experience for Good Friday, where different rooms of the church are set aside for reflection on different themes related to Christ's passion. In some, people can pray or write, or draw in response to the theme. In others, people confess their sins to God or watch a drama sketch related to the theme. My room was about denial and betrayal, and focused on the responses of Peter and Judas during the bitter hours of the trial--one was seized with remorse and hung himself, and the other went on to be the pillar of the early church. People followed a path on the floor, with words on it about Judas' returning the thirty pieces of silver and Peter denying he knew Jesus, then the path stops at a table with tons of silver paper coins on it. People took a coin and wrote what they had done to deny Christ, or their own disappointments with Jesus or the church (both Judas and Peter had very mistaken notions about what Jesus had come to do, and could not handle the course of events, much like when we believe God will just fix everything in our lives without effort). After people wrote these things, they followed the path to a brightly-lit area with round stickers for them. The stickers have the words to the song "How deep the Father's love for us", and they placed the stickers over what they had written, covering those sins as it were. Then the path has the words of the restoration of Peter after the resurrection, where Jesus asks him 3 times if he loved him, and three times Peter was told to "feed my lambs" and "look after my sheep." I had 3 songs playing during the time people were there, each about God's love and rescue from the depths. It was great to brainstorm for this, and watch people go through the room, first very sorrowful and then have a look of great peace.

Now for the peace of sleep for me! Maybe I'll post again this week with pictures...