reluctant heroes

A and I just saw Prince Caspian at the cheapo movie theater (11 bucks for tix, popcorn, gummy bears and water), which had great style but very little substance. I described it to D as a Rembrandt painting that someone cut into pieces and reassembled; you still see brilliant bits of painting but you have no idea how the pieces are supposed to fit together. Things happen, people know things but shouldn't by the time other people get there, Lucy was supposed to have gone to Aslan (but how? when? how did she know she should have come to him?) and all the crap hits the fan with a daring raid on an impregnable castle... All of these things that departed from the book I would not begrudge if they made sense. And Aslan said, "Nothing happens the same way twice," twice. Kindof contradictory, no?

Aslan and the four Pevensie children are seen as great ones who abandoned Narnia to the Telmarines, and then the Pevensies also mope around waiting for Aslan, who seems not so powerful or awe-inspiring, and kindof comes in at the end when things are at their most desperate (just like...ummm...last movie? who said things don't happen the same way twice?). The majesty is not there, the sense that Aslan really is in control and could wipe everything away with a flick of his paw. He's not a pacifist but he certainly isn't son of the Emperor over the Seas.

What really irks me about movie adaptations of inkling literature (the Inklings being Tolkein, Lewis, et al, friends who met in a pub and read their nerd-lit to each other and fawned over Wagner and Norse mythology)--what irks me, I say, is the fact that every male character in the movie versions is extremely reluctant to take their place of authority, to respond to dire need, to act sacrificially or resist temptation. Every man in the Lord of the Rings movies was severely tempted by the Ring, or were too wuss to take their places as Isildur's heir or to offer to go to Mordor without first hemming and hawing and making other plans. In the Narnia movies, it's always the animals that are pushing Peter to accept his role as king, or he's charging ahead with a bad plan and getting testy when he's called on it. In the books, it's often mentioned that the kids wouldn't have been recognized by their schoolmates after being in Narnia for a few short hours, that their deference for each other and their confidence in their roles are solid. There's very little that is intimidating about any of the kids in the movies, except perhaps Susan's badass chain mail/metal bustier ensemble and Peter's sword. Edmund does a good job unsettling King Miraz, but in the book he is silent and looks much older than his years.

Confident, unselfish men are almost completely missing from these movie versions of books whose main characters embody those same qualities. I watched a bit of The Fellowship of the Ring a couple months ago, and I got so annoyed I couldn't keep watching--if only the sound were off, it would be wonderful. But every line was a version of "mehhh...I dunno if I shoulllld...mehhh he's not strong enough...mehhh I can't really do anything to help." The only people with cajones are Arwen (a girl elf) and Bilbo, for relinquishing the ring. Aragorn acts like a drifting teenager who's mad at his girlfriend's dad, and Gandalf is a pot-smoking scuzzball who couldn't magic his way out of a paper bag. Ugh. I'm just pissed off, can you tell? I loved the spectacle of these movies, the battle scenes and the photography and music, but on second and third watching (and after listening to the books on CD 10 times) they just pale in comparison to the books, and get major characters completely wrong in their motivations and gravitas.

It comes down to this: there are very few real men in the movies. I'm sick of pansy-ass reluctant boy-child protracted adolescents. I want a King, dammit! A real king who takes up his crown and his sword, knowing the risks and still leading his people. Someone who will set aside their desires for a greater good, and will keep on his mission even if he is the only one left alive. Someone who has an identity, who has gone through a rite of passage, and has been confirmed as a Man and a leader.

There are very few meaningful or healthy rites of passage for anyone now; if you're Jewish, you at least have something with your Bar Mitzvah, if you're in a gang you have to commit petty crimes and get beat up, but what else is there? No girl I know has a solemn ceremony when they get their period for the first time, no boy I know goes out into the woods like the Iriquois and comes back after being in the wilderness for a season. Instead we get Will Ferrell and Adam Sandler, and leave unselfishness and heroism to comic book movies and cartoon characters (like Wall-E, a superb movie and one of the most endearing characters I've seen in ages). Surely no one in real life could possibly delay gratification, act with a conscience, and defend and cherish those weaker than himself or an idea greater than himself. That would be asking a bit much. Yes, it is a bit much, but it's the least I expect from someone who wishes to earn my respect.